sigh. This is me ranting.

omg she is SO FUCKIN SELF RIGHTEOUS I want to tear my hair out. And I love my hair, so that's saying something.


OK scenario time.

Lets say that you are the only son in the family. And your mother passed away last night. Shit, as sad as it is, money still matters. You need maybe 15k++ to have a proper buddist ceremonial. Being an only son in an Asian family who are devout Buddhist, by hook or by crook, you must come up with that money. So you resort to borrowing 3k from your employer. Is it right for people to judge you just because you borrow money from your employers to pay for your mother's burial fees?

I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO. I dare you to do better. If it were you will you keep your mouth shut? Maybe bury your mother in a box? Don't judge someone for trying their best to make right of a bad situation.

When my mom tearfully tell me and my sisters that my grandma died at, like, 6-7am. The first thing I did was, like, OMG are you serious? OUR Popo? Then immediately jump out of bed and started changing out of my PJ's.

My mom asked THAT ONE to wake up and drop her at my grandma's house. And THAT ONE was like, "HA? I DON'T WANNA GO. I'M STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES ABOUT AH TAI'S FUNERAL (Great-grandmother)." Loudly, I might add.

This is where I sigh.

Here's the thing, my great grandmother dies 6 YEARS ago. That is 2004. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? seriously, what kind of fucked up excuse is that? And for you to tell my grieving mother that? While lying in bed still covered in pillows and blankets? WHAT THE FUCK. It's no secret that you like to sleep in and feel suicidal everytime you have to get up early. Heck, even i've heard that so bloody often and i don't even talk to you.

I have yet to meet someone so self righteous. And so damn crass. Notice how people don't answer you when you say something you assume is witty?

Here's a clue. Whatever you said is crude and in bad taste. So shut up. If you don't have anything nice to sad just fucking shut up. leave your self righteousness to yourself. Or share it with your boyfriend. I don't care.

It's bad enough that she hardly goes to visit Popo every weekend, back when she wasn't working weekends. My mom goes every single week so the no transport excuse is out. And to say that she hates my aunt is also out because she's never home on weekends. She knows that.

I would like to go with my mother. I think conversation between my mom, my yiyi (mom's sister), my Popo and ,sometimes, some of my yi poh (grand aunts) is damn entertaining. They call my grandma "Paris Hilton", for godsakes. Because she had a minor stroke and always says silly things unconciously. Hah, bet you didn't know that. The last weekend holiday I had was on Gawai. And yes, I did went with my mom to visit my grandparents. My off days are on Thursdays. And I can't drive. So its perfectly acceptable for me to use the no transport excuse. I'm not saying that I'd go by myself if I could drive. But I'd go if my mom goes.

I'm not saying I'm a good granddaughter, nor am i saying that I'm the only one that is right, bragging to the whole world that I'm damn filial and everyone else belongs in hell. But theres a limit to everything. Dammit, I won't post this on my damn blog if all of the above is true.

This is not me grieving. I don't grieve online. I think its pointless. Because my feelings for my grandmother are my own. And its not like she goes online, wherever she is, checking who said what about her. I pray for my grandmother. What I want to say to her, I say it in my mind through prayers, not bandwidth.

But all the same, R.I.P Popo.

sigh. i guess this has to happen sometime.

LALALALALAomg a blogpost someone STOP THE PRESS!!!!! ok fine. go and keep watching yr stupid football. Italy is gonna win u know.

WAIT WHAT HE'S OUT? (notice i referred to italy as a person. HAHA)

erm. what ever soccer is for wusses anyways. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? HAHAHA FOOTBALL FOODBALL FOODBOWL SAME OLD SAME OLD.

IS PEK CHEK NOW. SHADDAP IM STRESSED OK. the next time som one wants to jump off a buildng due to stress. dont. just flunk it.

i hate bringing my psp to work (or anywhere) im using i only for the ebook. not so that some stupid dumbshit wants to borrow it. cibai. u so clever stop wasting yr money on smokes and alchohol and buy one, dammit. i only put the othe games in there so i can play it when im bored.u know what. i'm just gonna delete all the games and leave the ebook in there. the boring boring ebooks. hmph!

and what is the one question tha makes you look stupid. VERY VERY STUPID?

"why do you read books with so much words? and no pictures?? so boring."

ok, i think that just explains itself. what the hell is wrong with you? sigh. no wonder i cant stand it here. the intelligence level is so low its practically non existent. if i weren't bound to this fuckn place by my college, i'd be off to a land far far away(frm here).

this is meant to be a random post and now its just a ranting post. sigh. ta~

AAAAAAAND SHES GONE!!!

i hate you. yes, you.

i hate everyone right now...im sorry i just  really really miss camp.. nt gonna blog for a while.. imma let the emo-ness (gosh, i hate emo) and the nostalgia fade away before i attempt to look at my national service pictures..

I'm Back!! (with a hell lot of pictures)

ok, i am avoiding this post for the longest time now. and im leaving again tomorrow afternoon so this is as last a minute as it can get.

wait, what? why delay the post? COS SO MANY PICS HOW TO POST HA?

OH WAIT, IM GOING OUT AGAIN~~(thank god) shall do this post again next time~ 

tas~ 

imma leaf nao

I'm now waiting for my ride so I'm bored and lucky for you (yes you!) that i decided to blog.

nahh i just wanna show off.. LOOKIE WHAT I HAS!!! (have? got?)


i gots it!! yayness. still not used to the keypad but its fuckin awesome and I'm getting there. the layout is very complicated but I'm getting used to it. damn happy now. I'm leaving for my beloved camp so i shall bid my farewell~

tatas love(s). over and out

Hi All I'm Back!! (for now)

heylow i ish back yes? 

omfg civilization!!!!(just realized that i cant spell that word.wtf fail.) i didn't know that you were sooooo...... boring. i mean, seriously,we have approximately 18hours of activity there. that includes the breaks and 6 hours for sleeping. actual sleep. on the bed. at night. lights out at 11 and must must be at the marching field by 5.45 am. at camp, sleep is very precious. we sleep at every chance we get. and it always seem like the days are so LOOOOOOONG. lucky for friends though. time flies when i'm with them. HEARTS SMILEY =DDDDD

i mean seriously. city air gives me a headache. ask Jos, she thinks so too. i don't even know why i came back. totally waste my limited time at camp with my friends. i swear, I WAS MADE FOR NATIONAL SERVICE. i am freakin having the time of my life there OK. i love almost everything about it. the marching, the physical training, the sports blah blah.. sigh sigh missing camp here. 

the only thing wrong with it is that i have to sit in class and get bored of my mind, the mosquitoes, the lack of sleep and barisan disiplin. where we have to stand under the 8 o'clock sun listening to the MERCILESS discipline instructor, ENCIK ISA, talk crap. holy shit. imagine baris pusing ke belakang ke belakang pusing, ke belakang pusing, ke belakang pusing, ke belakang pusing over and over again. till you're dizzy and then he'll suddenly stop and some people are still ke belakang pusing-ing and then he says that you're still sleeping. wtf eh uncle, how to sleep. we'll have to stand under the sun for AT LEAST HALF HOUR. for a few times we had to stand there for 45 minutes. but its nothing compared to practicing marching from 2pm to 5pm almost everyday. but thats fun cause YOU ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING. instead of just standing there trying to not swat bugs or scratch that fuckin itch on your neck. but its really fun. where else can you find 400++ 17 year old teenagers sleeping eating playing practicing doing everything together. and having strangers become your best friends  within 2weeks time. imma bring my camera and pics will be up on the next post. yayness. 

dont even get me started on the lack of sleep problem. 

oh yeah, its impossible to lose weight there. FREAKIN 6 MEALS. no kidding there. *ahem* breakfast at 7am, morning tea at 10am, lunch at 12noon, tea break at 4pm, dinner at 6pm and supper at 10pm. you tell me how to resist temptation like that? all those meals does not include the snack that we freakin stuff ourselves with while hanging out in the dorm. no diet, unless you're a Rank Holder. cause you'll be so damn stressed and busy you wont have time to wash your underwear, much less eat. but i love my platoon leader (ketua platon) she's awesome. and my company leader. HE'S SO CUTE JUST WANNA PUNCH HIS FACE CAN. when i say cute i mean cute cute. not the omfg-i-wanna-see-his-abs-he's-so-cute kinda cute. imagine having a cutie like that be in-charge of your whole company(Charlie*clap* *clap* Charlie *clap* *clap*). gahhhh! adorable!! nvm! next time I'll have his picture.  

and since i love love both my leaders i listen to them and not rebel. unlike some bitches there that cant differentiate between when to play and when to be serious. seriously. when Y (I'll call her that for now.) puts on her hey-bitch-listen-to-me-no-nonsense-leader voice then listen la. and fuckin pull your leg up when you're hentak-ing(stomping)your kaki (legs). go to hell la. i swear, if i can evict some of the girls I'd totally that group of bitches. good lord i hate them. THEY NEVER HEARD OF FABRIC SOFTENER. what the hell.

me walking pass holding pails and detergent

"eh whats that? is it for making clothes soft??" *stares in awe* 

i shit you not. they really asked that.

shit i cant stop writing bout ns la. sigh sigh 50+ days to go. all god things must come to an end. sigh sigh so sad can 

they weren't kidding when they said that you'll know your real friends when you're in camp. i certainly know mine. imagine missing your Kuching friends like crazy when you're in camp then when you come back to Kuching they don't even bother to contact or come see you. either they are available when you're busy or busy when you're available. (cheers pals!!) and if you think that I'm talking about you then i am, you know who you are. i hate being negative but if its forced down my throat then I'll just have to accept it. hugs and kisses, guys.

ooohh yeah!!! im getting a new phone! sold off my old one and there's this girl in camp named sharon who has this awesome phone and i want it!! i hope i can get it whithin this week. cause i dont have a phone and the phone that Chris borrowed me cant text. its the LG KS360 QWERTY

i originally wanted the ice cream phone but then its not the ice cream2. but now i'm very torn between the blue one and the pink/purple one. dammit. decisions decisions.

pink?? purple?? ITS MAUVE!! (shit i had to google it up.) so whats it gonna be? mauve?

or blue? sigh dilemma now

imma go indulge in pork now. well, not now but soon. since it IS good Friday and all. and also go and ponder which colour. mauve or blue?? I'll try to blog more tuhmoeroe~~ byeness, non existent reader. heh

going... going... GONE!!

hey!!! its really early now and in im getting ready to go breakfast with my mom and then leave... imma order something pork!! i have time for a final update!!

note to chris, download loads and loads of nice songs for me leh!! then put it in a pendrive and i'll be very happy! and you know the type i like. none of  those MCR shit too. will be missing you! i'll be back JUST IN TIME for my birthday thop. yay!! i wants major surprise *cough*pay for my college please*cough

bye guys!! seriously though, try to not do anything interesting while im gone. i'll get pissed. and you wont like alicia pissed right? heh whatever hope im in time. wish me luck bitches!! bye~~!!